My Struggle with Emetophobia as a Highly Sensitive Person![]()
Chances are you've never heard of emetophobia. If you have, likely you or someone you know struggles with it. Long story short: It is an intense fear of vomiting. Even sitting down to write this article gives me a sense of anxiety.
I still don't know the exact age or reason that my phobia developed. Yes, I've been sick a few times in my life and it could perhaps have stemmed from a time when I was very young and sick and hallucinated from being so dehydrated and had to get a shot in my butt to make me stop throwing up. In elementary school, my anxiety would kick into high gear whenever someone got sick in class. I remember a specific time in music class in 2nd grade. I think after that was when I would cry every summer before school started again. I didn't want to go there. Kids are very germy and I was in constant fear to see or hear someone get sick. I remember watching "Matilda" in school and I started panicking because of the characters is forced to eat chocolate cake and I thought they would show him get sick. Even as a kid, I knew this panic and fear was irrational. I thought people would make fun of me or dismiss it, so I wouldn't give anyone a true reason why I was so upset. Looking back, it just made everything so much worse and I looked that much crazier. At 27, yes, I am a fully-functioning adult, but this phobia follows me every day of my life. I scrutinize my food and have been made fun of for being picky with food. In reality, I have "safe foods" that I tend to stick with. At times I try new foods, eat something I am unsure about or eat out at restaurants, but then I have to deal with the anxiety that comes after. What if I get sick? What if that food was bad? What if someone who handled it carried a germ that will make me sick? Most of the time it is a low level anxiety that no one really knows about, except me. Most of the time it is me bargaining with myself to just eat something and then being hyper focused on my body for the next few hours, only feeling "safe" until I get hungry again. Sometimes though, it turns into a panic attack. I am extremely aware of how my body feels. Whenever something feels off, especially my stomach, cue anxiety again. I'm not sharing any of this to make you feel bad for me or give me advice or anything... I am sharing in hopes I can make others who suffer feel less alone. It is a very scary thing to be essentially terrified of one thing that goes along with so many things... other people, food, my own body, etc. A while ago, I spent a lovely afternoon with a few friends. One of them told me she was ill the next day. The three of us were in close proximity and ate at the same restaurant that afternoon. Cue panic... I immediately started panicking and crying, fearful I would get sick too. I had pretty bad anxiety for about a week until I realized I was fine and didn't catch anything from her. Funny how you start making up all these rules in your head... what are safe foods and what aren't, safe restaurants, how long until you can relax after being around a sick person, etc. So for all of the people who have judged me over the years... no I am not anorexic nor have I ever been, but this is why I am a picky eater, why I generally burn food (especially meat) when I cook and probably why I'm so anxious all of the time. For most of my life, I didn't know I was experiencing a phobia with a name that other people experience as well. I just thought I was crazy and learned how to hide it. You never know what someone is going through behind closed doors or what goes on in their head. I hope that I can reach someone else with this horrible phobia to make them feel less alone. Unfortunately, even with all of my self-development work and learning to embrace my highly sensitive ways, I still experience trouble with this phobia and anxiety on a daily basis. I routinely have nightmares or flashbacks about it. But hopefully one day I will be free of it. Whatever you're going through, I know you can get through it too. i recommend:
12 Comments
Audrey
5/4/2017 03:12:05 pm
Oh my gosh. I have been an emetophobe for years now. Years! I can never make anyone understand it, they find it humorous. But I can't even stand it on cartoons like Family Guy or South Park when they vomit. It just freaks me out. I often tell people if I was given a choice of watching someone bleed to death or puke, I would choose the former. Dramatic? Yes. True? Yes. Thank you so much writing this!! It is a serious anxiety that makes me fear amusement parks, concert crowds where drinking is occurring, parties, etc... And of course it affects my food choices, the way I cook, what I eat and where I eat, who I am around, EVERYTHING. It is real, and it causes soooo many problems! Thank you!
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Hi Audrey! I totally relate to how you feel... I'd much rather watch blood on TV too. My boyfriend covers my face when people puke lol. It really is rough having anxiety to go to many places because you fear people will be sick around you. You just never know. I hate that you go through this too but at least we are not alone and someone understands! Thank you for reading. <3 Have you ever read the thrive book that is supposed to cure you? I have it but haven't really dived deep into it yet.
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Stephanie
8/8/2017 02:26:17 pm
I just ran across your blog while doing a search about HSP and how it relates to this phobia. I've been battling it since I was a kid, I actually refused to ride the bus in elementary school because someone got sick on it and I was terrified it would happen again. I can barely function during the winter months because of the fear of catching something from someone. I have been known to lysol the entire office when people come in that were sick or have been sick. I know the exact amount of time it takes before people are no longer contagious, and how it is most likely to spread. I'm a wealth of knowledge in an attempt to protect myself. It's always nice meeting other people that understand the phobia and don't think you to be crazy.
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Lauren
8/8/2017 02:35:28 pm
Hi Stephanie! Thanks for your comment. I definitely relate to everything you said and understand! Winter months are the worst. :( I'm always worried in the summer too with food prep and food sitting outside.
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Nataly
1/1/2019 11:30:03 pm
I am 16 and ive suffered from this my whole life. Everytime i have a churn in my stomach i freak out. I lost 40 pounds in 2 months from not eating as much because i just experienced a wave of TERRIBLE anxiety over the winter that left me vomitting all the time because i couldnt hold my anxiety and was freaking too crazily. Now i am able to control it ENOUGH. Im just scared because my cousins’ family (who are staying the night at my grandmas house with me for 2 days) just were “sick”... with what? I dont know. Now my stomach is churping and im scared to my godly dreams. 😣 i agree, emetophobia is unfair. I rather die than vomit. Theres no point of living with this fear controlling my every which way. Hell me out.
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Hi Nataly, I'm so sorry that you suffer from this too. :( When I start worrying, I just try to tell myself that I won't get sick and that I feel great right now and I will deal with anything when it happens. Worrying doesn't help prevent anything, but I know it can be hard not to worry. I would suggest the emetophobia workbook and journaling and feel free to message me on Instagram @findyourmagicwithin. Sending hugs!
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Jan
3/9/2019 11:58:27 am
Hello, ladies. I am a 65 year old woman who has suffered from this MY whole life. If someone barfed in class, I was the next one to the nurse's office. When I had my own kids (was terrified to get pregnant, but I didn't throw up once!), I learned to get over my fear of seeing it because I HAD to clean it up. Now I am only afraid if I, myself, have to throw up. I never told anyone till I was 44 years old. I thought I was crazy and it stopped me from becoming a doctor. I became a teacher and my first day of school each year, I started off saying that if you have to throw up, run out to the hall. I even had some students that were emetophobic. Don't put your hand up. LOL. I did start taking Zoloft when I was 44 and it does help with the compulsive thoughts. I went for hypnosis last summer. Not sure if it helped. Guess time will tell. What's wonderful is that you have this outlet and I know now that there are THOUSANDS out there the same as us. You are not alone and not crazy. Btw, did you notice that we are all women?? Love and hope to you all!!
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Lauren
3/9/2019 06:32:37 pm
Hi Jan! Thank you for your comment. :) I do wonder if mostly women are affected. Let us know if hypnosis helped! I may have to look into that. <3
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Jan
11/4/2019 01:27:24 pm
I think hypnosis DID help. It is difficult because usually you can get immediate feedback from hypnosis, but of course, with vomiting, you can't do that. What I did learn was that I (emphasis on I) was in control. It was not the vomiting that made me panic; it was ME who had control. I have also learned to push past my fears to make me stronger. I have vomited once and I DID NOT PANIC. I was so proud of myself. I wouldn't say that I am cured, but I know that when I think of it, I don't panic and I now know that I can do it and not panic.
Katie
1/12/2020 06:40:41 pm
I’m really really struggling with this right now, and finding it extremely tough to stay in class, or go out with family or friends. i don’t want it to take over which is why i’m so scared. it’s just constantly on my mind ! i too am very careful with my food, i won’t eat chicken or potentially food poisoning causing foods out of my house. the anxiety causes me to feel sick which makes me more and more anxious and then more sick, it’s the worst. thank you for posting this because i need to know i’m not alone right now in this awful awful phobia.
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Hi Katie! I'm sorry to hear you struggle with this too. :( But it does help to learn that we are not alone, especially when most people don't understand how we feel at all! I can relate to the feeling of not knowing if I feel sick because of anxiety or anxiety because I feel sick. It is the worst. Hang in there!
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Maria Andrews
5/12/2023 03:20:11 pm
For almost 19 years, I struggled with emetophobia and have very few memories of my life without it.
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