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how to stop taking things so personally

6/3/2017

3 Comments

 
Picture
One question I get asked a lot is something like this...

I'm a highly sensitive person & I always take everything so personally. It is starting to affect my relationships. How do I stop taking things so personally all the time?

This is a tough one. Highly sensitive people are more prone to noticing their surroundings and small changes or details. So even the slightest change in someone's tone or actions can cause a tailspin of overthinking. 

Are they mad at me? What did I do? Why did they say that?

​You get the picture. So how do you stop taking things so personally?

First, you need to get your hands on one of the best books I own (it is a quick read too!), The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. It is really helpful to re-read often. 

​Next, let's do some journaling to uncover your specific reasons to why you take things personally. Get out that journal and get ready to get introspective: 
  1. Why do you feel you take things personally? Really sit with this one for a while. Maybe you discover that you are a little insecure and afraid of judgements. Maybe you secretly thrive on a little bit of drama. Remember, it isn't easy to uncover things about yourself you may not like, but it is crucial to change and learn to love yourself fully.
  2. Write about the last instance that you took something personally. Write down the whole story of what happened. How did it make you feel?

Now that you're getting into the thick of it, try these tips to avoid taking things too personally: 
  1. Remember that people are selfish and that's okay. Even the kindest person you know is somewhat selfish. We all are and we have to be to survive. Everyone is just doing the best they can with what they've got and people tend to react based on past experiences and their own perceptions. Chances are even when something feels directed towards you, it isn't. The person angry with you might not even realize that.
  2. You can't change someone else's feelings or reactions but you can choose your own. You get to choose how you react to someone or something. You get to choose if you accept or deny negativity that is directed towards you. Try to come from a place of love, not fear. Trust me, you'll sleep better at night.
  3. Take a step back and don't jump to conclusions. It is so easy to judge, jump to conclusions and make up a whole huge drama before anything really bad even happens! It is human nature so don't judge yourself for that. Take a minute to breathe and step back from the situation to assess what is really going on.
  4. If you never ask, the answer is always no. I love that quote and say it often. If you feel a friend is mad at you, but never ask and just assume, chances are they probably weren't mad at you at all. Always ask for clarification on a situation if you need it.
  5. Lastly, let it go. When you've done all of the above, there is nothing left to do but let it go. Give yourself time because chances are it won't happen in a day. Journaling helps!

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3 Comments
Kara
10/16/2017 03:14:12 pm

I understand all this, and the reason I take so many things personally is, I suppose, because I'm insecure. People often say things like "it's not always about you" or think those who take everything personally do so because they think the world revolves around them (in a good way), which must mean they are narcissistic or full of themselves. But in reality, it's the opposite. I guess I can see why, it is sort of backwards that a person would assume so many things are because of or about them yet think so little of themselves at the same time.

Anyway, I mainly wanted to ask a question, because SOMETIMES it IS about you/me. So, if it's best for us to always assume it ISN'T about us, what about the times it actually is? Although the majority of the time it's safe to assume it's not, in reality there will be times, although few and far between, that we should take it personally because it is personal. If that all makes sense? Is it safe to ALWAYS assume otherwise? It kind of makes me think that people will then feel like we can never take responsibility for our actions or that we don't have the ability to tell when we have done something or someone wrong.

Ugh, being a HSP is so difficult sometimes. I mean, who else even thinks of these things I just mentioned. Other people just live and do without thinking too much, too often or too deeply. My brain is just constantly "what about this?" or "what about that?" and "what if this happens, because won't this happen?" Where's the OFF SWITCH? It's no wonder that I and many other HSP's and very anxious people sleep a lot. It's the only way to turn the damn thing (our mind/brain) off!

Reply
Lauren
10/16/2017 03:26:50 pm

Hi Kara! Thanks for your comment. I agree... sometimes it IS about us and I think we just have to listen to others and decide if it was truly something we did "wrong"... take responsibility and apologize. Either way, the best thing you can do is to work to let it go. Even if someone perceives that you did something "wrong" or something to hurt them, usually it is because of their own insecurities or experiences that they took offense to something you did. I hope this makes sense! It is such a hard topic to deal with, especially as HSPs. Hang in there... feel free to join my group on FB to discuss more or message me! <3

https://www.facebook.com/groups/findyourmagichsp

Reply
Heather A link
12/15/2020 03:11:06 am

Thanks foor a great read

Reply



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  • Home
  • Book a Reading
  • Freebies
    • FREE powerful "i am" statements worksheet
    • FREE Stop Anxiety Now Worksheet
    • oracle card readings and HSP advice Videos
    • Visualization Meditation
  • Coaching
  • journals
    • Everyday Journal for HSPs
    • Find Your Magic Daily Planner & Journal
    • Manifestation Journal
    • Find Your Magic: Heal Your Anxiety Workbook
  • courses
    • Become an Oracle or Tarot Reader Course
    • 21 Days to Embrace Being a Highly Sensitive Person
    • Prevent Overwhelm Course
    • Heal Anxiety Course
  • Blog
    • submit a blog post
  • hsp merch
    • Amazon Recommendations
    • HSP Clothing & merch
    • Journaling Pages on Etsy
  • About me
  • Private FB Group for HSPs
  • Products