how to stop taking things so personally

One question I get asked a lot is something like this...

I'm a highly sensitive person & I always take everything so personally. It is starting to affect my relationships. How do I stop taking things so personally all the time?

This is a tough one. Highly sensitive people are more prone to noticing their surroundings and small changes or details. So even the slightest change in someone's tone or actions can cause a tailspin of overthinking. 

Are they mad at me? What did I do? Why did they say that?

​You get the picture. So how do you stop taking things so personally?

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First, you need to get your hands on one of the best books I own (it is a quick read too!), The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. It is really helpful to re-read often. 

​Next, let's do some journaling to uncover your specific reasons to why you take things personally. Get out that journal and get ready to get introspective: 

1. Why do you feel you take things personally? Really sit with this one for a while. Maybe you discover that you are a little insecure and afraid of judgements. Maybe you secretly thrive on a little bit of drama. Remember, it isn't easy to uncover things about yourself you may not like, but it is crucial to change and learn to love yourself fully.
2. Write about the last instance that you took something personally. Write down the whole story of what happened. How did it make you feel?

Now that you're getting into the thick of it, try these tips to avoid taking things too personally: 

1. Remember that people are selfish and that's okay. Even the kindest person you know is somewhat selfish. We all are and we have to be to survive. Everyone is just doing the best they can with what they've got and people tend to react based on past experiences and their own perceptions. Chances are even when something feels directed towards you, it isn't. The person angry with you might not even realize that.
2. You can't change someone else's feelings or reactions but you can choose your own. You get to choose how you react to someone or something. You get to choose if you accept or deny negativity that is directed towards you. Try to come from a place of love, not fear. Trust me, you'll sleep better at night.
3. Take a step back and don't jump to conclusions. It is so easy to judge, jump to conclusions and make up a whole huge drama before anything really bad even happens! It is human nature so don't judge yourself for that. Take a minute to breathe and step back from the situation to assess what is really going on.
4. If you never ask, the answer is always no. I love that quote and say it often. If you feel a friend is mad at you, but never ask and just assume, chances are they probably weren't mad at you at all. Always ask for clarification on a situation if you need it.
5. Lastly, let it go. When you've done all of the above, there is nothing left to do but let it go. Give yourself time because chances are it won't happen in a day. Journaling helps!